Heads, I Win. Tails, You Lose

By Ali Sisson

Tiger Woods, Eliot Spitzer, Bill Clinton, and John Gosselin—their pasts are enough to make any woman’s head spin. As one male celebrity after another commits acts of infidelity, women around the country are praying that they can trust their significant others.

After the recent explosion of famous males cheating on their wives with no unfaithful females joining the ranks, it’s difficult not to wonder what causes this to happen.

This concept has even intrigued some of the nation’s top counselors and doctors.

Although they cannot seem to agree on what it is that makes men cheat, they can agree on the estimation that up to 76% of men have cheated on their partners.
Dr. Steven Nock, professor of sociology at the University of Virginia, believes that society is partly to blame for the amount of dishonesty from men. “Society is more tolerant of men’s misdeeds,” said Nock. Others, though, find other factors to be more likely culprits.

Dr. Louanne Westen, a counselor from California, believes that there is a natural, instinctual reason why men tend to cheat more. “There is a natural tendency that suggests putting your seed in as many places as possible,” said Westen. “That non-monogamous urge persists in many men.”

Others, still, believe that psychological factors are what drive men to be unfaithful.

Dr. Gail Saltz, the Today Show’s contributing psychiatrist, believes that men’s urge to cheat comes from an internal power issue. “Men who fear intimacy will have affairs to maintain power in their relationships,” she said.

M. Gary Neuman, a marriage counselor who has conducted surveys to get real-life opinions and experiences of cheating, also agrees that cheating is the result of a psychological or emotional feeling. Using the statistics that he has gathered, he has come to the conclusion that 92% of men said that the affair was not all about the sex. In fact, statistics have shown that 48% of men would say that emotional dissatisfaction was the primary reason why they cheated.

Though it is said that a high majority of men will, at some point, cheat, “about 7% of men who have cheated told their wives without being asked,” said Gary. Though that statistic doesn’t seem hopeful by any means, not all men are completely shameless. Gary has also noted that “66% of cheating men report feeling guilt.”

Even with professionally collected statistics, it’s difficult to say what does or does not make men cheat, and it’s safe to say that it probably happens for a variety of reasons.

Oliver*, of Brooklyn, New York, has cheated three times on two different girls. “I was being greedy, and I wanted everything,” said Oliver. “They were mindless decisions that I made spur-of-the-moment.” In regards to the future, Oliver has put his foot down against cheating. “Hopefully [I won’t do it again]. I made a decision not to. I really hurt somebody.”

Joshua*, of Plattsburgh, New York, has also cheated on past girlfriends. He says that he feels guilty, but at the time, “needed something new.”

On the flip side, many American men wouldn’t even consider cheating on a partner.
Nick*, of Massena, New York, has never cheated on any of his girlfriends. “I have been cheated on too many times to do that,” he said. “I know how it feels and would never want to put someone that I care about into that situation. It’s not fun.”
Jonathan”, of Albany, New York, agrees that cheating is not acceptable. “If [you have] made a commitment, [you] must stick to it unless it becomes void,” he said.

Though it seems inevitable that many men will cheat, some instances can be preventable. Working out issues calmly and focusing on keeping your relationship healthy can keep you and him happy together.

M. Gary Neuman also suggests verbally praising your spouse, making it clear that they are valued.

“Don’t be afraid to praise your partner or tell him that you appreciate what he does,” said Neuman. “[Men are] searching and looking for somebody to build them up to make them feel valued.”

Same can be said about men and women, in all kinds of relationships. “We get married because we want one person in the world to really think we're wonderful for doing all the things that we do,” said Gary. “We all want the same thing.”

* Aliases were used to protect the identity of these sources.